Oh Claire--

Yesterday, while at Target, I was holding Claire as she had experienced enough car seat time for one day. Most of the time when I hold her she wants to face forward, I was dutifully obliging for this outing. As we were strolling down the highly polished aisle I was informed by a friendly Target Team Member that she was spitting up. This nice lady quickly put a 'WARNING SPILL' sign up, and sent us on our way assuring us she would take care of it. The really funny part is that about five minutes later she spit up even more, and the same Team Member just happened to be coming around the corner -- once again 'WARNING SPILL' this time I insisted on cleaning up my Daughters mess (She is SO CUTE!).

My Girls!

Watching the game with her Daddy, note the crossed legs!

Today the Norton Family is making the switch from Cable to Satellite -- The installer is probably not prepared for me, my questions and my requests, so perhaps I'll fix him a coffee when he gets here. It's not my fault that DirectTV doesn't have a 'trial period' or some sort of satisfaction guarantee. The contract clearly states that once the installer leaves there is no turning back -- he may be here a while, while I test the system for my satisfaction. To be safe I've not cancelled the Cable yet.

And finally in the Things That Make Me Laugh file. When someone is really hacking you off politely state "You are causing my mood ring to turn an icky shade of brown!" This could really be used a number of ways, particularly when talking ABOUT someone. And for my favorite talent of the week MOUNTAIN UNICYCLING!

courtesy: http://www.63xc.com/mojok/mojok.htm

No this is not an altered photo, this is a real sport that is taking some small groups of interesting people by storm! A friend of mine at work was talking about this the other day like it was perfectly normal, citing the wonderful advantage that there was only one set of bearings, and one tire to worry about. At first I thought it must be something that is done in small spurts with lots of breaks -- but no, these people train for countless hours, and participate in real races!

I failed unicycle riding in gym class. I'm certain if I couldn't figure it out in a semester on a flat wood floor, then I certainly shouldn't be riding down trails in the SNOW!

Have a great day!

Sometimes You Just Have To Ask!

It was shortly after 9/11 and I was working at Miller Swim School in Tulsa, OK. To much pomp and circumstance a flag pole had been erected at the facility on this particular day - everyone loved it, the kids especially thought it was really neat!

On day one of the flag poles existence I was closing, as I was getting ready to leave for the night, I realized that I had not taken down the flag. I quickly put my things down and untied the rope to allow the flag to lower. Much to my horror I quickly realized the rope ends had not been tied together and as the flag lowered the end of the rope quickly went up in the air over the pully and fell to the ground at my feet.

I was troubled by this chain of events and was unsure of what I would do to fix this multi-level oversight. I thought about a ladder, but quickly ruled that such a decision could easily lead to my demise. I then considered shimmying up the pole, but came to the same conclusion. As I pondered my options I decided that surely there was a fire unit bored out of their mind that would love nothing more than to come out with their ladder truck and 'train' on its use in our parking lot while simultaneously fixing this little blunder.

So I called the county non-emergency number and asked for the phone number of a fire station that had a ladder truck, the operator kindly provided the information and I put out the call. The Fireman that answered basically blew me off stating that the Chief would have to make such a decision and to call back in the morning, I implored him to make an exception as we needed the flag to be up first thing in the morning, and informed him that his help would be most appreciated. He stood firm insisting he could make no such decision.

I thanked him and hung up the phone. About a minute later the phone rang it was the local Fire Captain, he was curious as to where again I was located. I told him and it turns out the owner of the Swim School had been this guys Principal when he was in High School, and his football coach. He told me he would do ANYTHING or Mr. Miller and informed me they would be out in ten minutes. In eight minutes the guys arrived in their ladder truck, and the operation ensued!

It took them a while but eventually the flagpole was repaired, and tied off! I never spoke of this story at risk of sounding like a complete idiot until long after I left the employ of the Swim School. I actually forgot about it until last week, when I was reflecting about times I was thinking outside the box and the outcome was surprising, this definitely falls into that category. And now its just funny!

Amy, Claire and I are off to Tulsa this week for a Birthday extravaganza -- it should be great fun, and we are going to get to see some old friends, including Mr. and Mrs. Miller -- it should be a hoot!

The Announcement

So its official -- the show will now be called Kate Plus Eight! -- What a tragedy, the decision some people make that can so easily destroy a family. Amy and I started watching this show late last year on a random basis, and I had this to say in November of 08:

And finally does anyone watch that show on TLC 'Jon and Kate Plus Eight'? -- I must say that I am really disappointed in how those people treat each other (mind you I don't have eight children). Amy and I strive to always be kind, and supporting to each other. We don't make jokes about each other, and when people we might find ourselves around start complaining about their mate, we simply point out the wonderful things that we do for each other. It's amazing how quickly the conversation turns when we do this. Little Miss Jon and Kate do not share our views on this topic. They are very nit-picky and tacky to one another, they are quick to place blame, or cast bad lights on each other. Don't do that to your mate, its not nice, put your mate on a pedestal, admire them, remind them everyday that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Make them feel important, and thank them for everything they do. And guys when your wife wants you to go shopping (and its not somewhere fun like Ross) just offer to carry her bags, follow behind her, and occasionally call her pretty.

It's really dreadful that these children are having to go through this with the world watching. It turns out the shows ratings have never been higher than they have been since the original split. While it is true that they never appeared to be nice to each other while on camera (I can't imagine what life was like without the cameras), their obligation to each other when they took the vows were real; and it appears that at least one of them chose not to keep them.

This is what is happening in our world, a married couple has issues, it finds its way onto their weekly TV show, the issues get more aggravated, more people tune in, the marriage dissolves, and people love it! There are more news stories, and interviews surrounding these two people right now than there has ever been (kudos to Kate for staying out of most of that drama). When my Grandparents were my age this kind of behavior was unacceptable, moral and ethical obligations meant something to everyone - and most importantly they were based on Scripture! What is happening?

Coming soon a most amusing story about my gumption as it relates to a flag pool snafu!

I Was Like HUH?

As I was getting comfortable in my hotel room on Saturday night I decided to surf through the channels a little. I came across SNL and was delighted to enjoy a little evening humor. Soon after I stopped 'Touching that dial' a skit began that used a whole lot of the word 'freakin.' At some point I was certain I heard a different word with like syllables. Alas, this across my news feed this morning

NEW YORK (AP) -- Nabbing Megan Fox to host the season premiere of "Saturday Night Live" wasn't the only bang for the start of the season. There was also an F-bomb.
Newcomer Jenny Slate let the dreaded word slip during a parody of a talk show by biker women. The sketch was laden with tough talk from its three characters, but the most objectionable word was substituted with an inoffensive stand-in for that vulgarity.
Then, midway through the sketch, Slate slipped and said the word.
The sketch continued with no interruption or further slip-ups.
NBC declined to comment on the incident, other than to say the word had been restored to "freakin'" for the show's replays in western time zones.
The sketch aired live at about 12:40 a.m. Eastern, well after prime time, when use of expletives can be punished by the FCC.

I of course immediately turned off the TV so as not to pollute my mind with such vulgarities. In other news, the Norton Family is having the worlds largest garage sale. That is I retrieve items from my attic, and put them in my garage, I then proceed to list them on Craigslist at fire sale prices, slowly but surely people are driving from all around the area to come take advantage of the bargain.

The last time we moved we essentially did it ourselves with the help of Amy's Parents. I remember being exhausted when we packed the moving van, and thinking we were nearly done -- then alas, someone accidentally mentioned the attic. It was awful -- we were hot and sweaty (at midnight of course in Oklahoma) and now I had to crawl into this God forsaken part of our house and unload it. I distinctly remember proclaiming that NOTHING was going in the attic of our new house!

Fast-forward three years, out attic has so much stuff in it I can hardly walk around. I had to put more decking up there last year just so we could have room for all of it. It was just a fact of life -- Amy allowed my little charade of no attic usage for about a year, but it got really old moving all of this crap we didn't know what to do with from the guest room to the office and back repeatedly. So alas, its been in the attic for two years and its on its way out!

Amy has decided to sell her scooter, you will recall it has brought much humor to the Houston area as I've taken to riding it to work in the last couple of years. It turns out that the baby seat won't attach to it, and the 'cuteness' factor does little good it she can't ride it - so it too has found its way on Craigslist.

My Birthday is tomorrow -- the big 30, Amy, Claire and I are spending the next two days together celebrating, although right now everyone and their dog is asleep (sans me), surely they are resting for the festivities to come!

A Taste of Texas

Okay -- so my sisters (Kalei {pink hair} and Nicole) were in town this week, here to visit with us and spend some quality time with their niece Claire. While here they professed an acute desire to do 'Texas Things.' Once this bit of information came my way I put it in high gear planning a doosie of an evening that was capped off with Square Dancing!

Keeping in mind that I am usually the laughing stock of all things dance I thought this would be a hoot, and was so excited about my evening of gliding around the Community Center floor!

Naturally we were a little apprehensive about joining the crowd, worried we might not fit in -- but Paulette (our greeter) gave us an exuberant Texas welcome complete with hug, and advice to my sisters to be careful where they put their name tag (LOL, only older people can get away with such comments)

Here we are signing in!



Now this was a group for first time dancers, the caller (as he is called) was very patient, and an amazing teacher; not one person laughed at me the whole night. Sans my occasional confusion of my right from my left, I made very few errors.

One key concern was little Claire, well fear not -- it just so happens there are lots and lots of mothers lining the walls, and they gladly 'sat this one out' for a chance to care for Claire! Problem solved, fun activity, built in free babysitting!

Here I am Promenading Amy!



Claire loved watching us dance -- the video at the end is of a 'set' that Amy and I danced, if you watch the end there is an adorable shot of Claire watching us from the gallery.

My two sisters and I while Amy was sitting out feeding Claire. Nicole had to wear the fun hat because she was filling the guys role in this dance.

Oh the fun we had -- more pictures coming soon of other fun activities. There was a surprise bonus after our dance lessons -- another true Taste of Texas, a drug bust! Oh yes home boy was face down in the dirt, and his car was being ripped apart by the Texas Rangers, seriously, Don't Mess With Texas!

Now showing a 4 minute video of Amy and I dancing the night away!

Happy Sunday

Perhaps I should digress a little on my Koozi rampage, it turns out an alarming number of people in Texas and surrounding areas think this is a good idea. I'll write the Etiquette book editors, and let them know they need to revise their manuals.

My sisters are in town for the next few days! Sadly I'm busy flying all day today, but then I'm off until Thursday! Hope all is well with everyone -- and its okay to admit if I got you to buy a Flowbee; I should call them and see if I can get a commission for my mad marketing skills!

And by the way I think Michael Moore is an idiot, and doesn't really deserve mention -- BUT, I did see a hilarious clip from one of his upcoming projects where he stands in front of AIG Headquarters announcing though a bull horn that he is there to make a citizens arrest of the entire corporation! LOL

An Ode 2 The Flowbee

Do you remember the Flowbee? Perhaps if you were a tireless child in the 90's that was awake at 6:00AM on Saturday morning watching infomercials you know all about it (and of course the classic ' Scewdriver').

In a nutshell the Flowbee was a set of clippers that hooked up to a vacuum. You attached the necessary number of 1/2 inch extensions to the clipper head, hooked it to the vacuum turned all systems on and (insert earplugs as required) suck away at your hair, magically it will get shorter!

Would you believe the the Flowbee is still available online? I always thought it was the COOLEST thing ever! I was amazed at how simple it would be to cut ones own hair in a clean and refreshing fashion. No itching afterwards, and to a very precise length.

Of course now that I'm an adult I realize it has got to among the most ridiculous contraptions ever. Oh how I wish I could find a picture of the beautiful blond they on the TV spot using like 10 inches of extensions giving herself a 'trim,' absurd I tell ya!

This picture is of the individual responsible for this little engineering marvel, and I suspect the person below him might be his ever supportive Mother, although I'm not certain!

Oh the funniness of it all! The Flowbee indeed, I need to add for those of you thinking of making a discreet purchase of the Flowbee -- it's not possible, as you can see from the picture below the Flowbee comes in a VERY NON-discreet box. Everyone from your mailman to your neighbors will get a good chuckle out of your little parcel!
I've had some interesting haircut experiences. There was the time I went to an 'Ethnic' Barbershop, where I didn't really understand the 'lingo' and ended up with a 'Low' as they called it. Lets not forget the more recent experience where I was blown off with an industrial air compressor at the conclusion of my trim.

Or my all time favorite, when my local trim shop was destroyed by the hurricane I had to go to a new place. One thing led to another and I was eventually asked (mind you) what I had been paying for haircuts. When I responded with my proud "Five dollars" the lady FLIPPED OUT. She exclaimed "Five dollars! if you think I'm gonna charge five dollars you need to go back to 1978" LOL. Fun times, even funnier I actually went back to her once!

Amy and Claire are having a splendid time in Tulsa, I'm working, and Maggie is worried she is going to have to stay in Tulsa when we all come home with weekend, that's not the case she is moving back to Texas as it turns out a possessive, ankle biting dog is a touch of a hindrance when trying to show a house that is for sale.